Lent and Matthew 13
A few weeks ago, I went on a women's retreat with my church. It was so much fun. We got to spend time learning more about prayer and different ways to pray and connect with God. One woman shared about how she connects with God through worship and let us listen to one of her favorite songs. As I was listening, one of the lines really caught my attention. "Would you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?" Partly it caught me because the line is beautiful, but it also caught my attention because it reminded me of something the Lord had shown me a few weeks earlier. I was reading in Matthew and came across the parables about the hidden treasure and the merchant.
Matthew 13:44-46
“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."
As I was reading, I asked, "Lord, what are you trying to show me?" For the first time ever, I thought of these parables in reverse. Instead of the gospel being what we sell everything for, it was Jesus who sold everything for us. Which, He did. He left His home and perfect communion with the Father and Spirit because He loved us so much. He saw us as the treasure worth selling everything for, including His life. He literally gave everything for us. I know it may seem sacrilegious, but just sit with that for a moment. Let it sink in. If that is true, then it begs the question, do I see Jesus that way too? Do I see Him as being worth giving everything up for?
This leads me to Lent. I did not grow up practicing Lent, and I didn't really know what it was until recently, but the practice has definitely grown on me. The past few years, I have given something up for the 40 days of Lent, so this year, I was trying to figure out what to give up. Then, I listened to a podcast about creating space in our busy lives. The tag line of the podcast was how to live an unhurried, busy life. As I listened, I realized that Lent for me this year is not about what I am giving up, but what I am creating space for. Yes, with fasting, we create more space for God in our lives, but fasting for me has often turned into the list of do's and don't's that I can follow with precision. This practice of creating space, trying to identify the things that encroach on my space, and trusting the Lord enough to rest when He says rest has been so challenging. There has been no right or wrong way. I have no real way to "measure my success." I like to measure success, that is easy, even when it is challenging, but learning a new rhythm of life, that is another whole story. I have been trying to lean into where the Lord is calling me and what that looks like. In the spirit of honesty, this place of calling has been challenging. I know it sounds cushy to "create space," but for someone who likes to get a quick boost of self-esteem by what I can accomplish in a day, it has been so hard. This attempted change in trusting my beloved agenda and to do list every day to the Lord, is so disruptive. It is pushing me to trust my worth to Him, to trust the to do list to Him, to trust what I see needs to be done vs. what actually needs to be done, to trust the timing and planning of the One who sold everything for me.
This Lent, I am learning that new life rhythms are difficult, and I am not doing it perfectly, but this isn't about doing things perfectly. I am learning that the One who sold everything to save me is the only One whose values I should live by and the only One whose opinion of me truly gets to count. The only One who freely gives time, self-esteem, and worth is the only One who is worth selling everything for.
So, this season, me selling my everything looks like stepping into creating space and trusting that He is holding everything else.
